Notes from June 10, 2007

Today we had a great second conversation with our new birth mother. She was friendly and kind. We talked about making plans to meet at the end of this month in Texas. We also talked about the birth. She said she was excited that she is having a planned c-section so that we can be there for the birth, if we want to be. Of course, we want to be!!!!!

Now we have to report to our counselors and make plans to talk again. This is such an arduous process. During our first attempt at adoption my mother kept reminding me that "being pregnant is hard." That was her way of reminding me that having a child, no matter how it happens, is difficult. It takes at least nine months. There are lots of ups and downs, lots of hormones and emotions, and anxiety. The same things occur when in the process of adopting. We pray for the health of the baby and the mother. We experience the anxiety of becoming parents. We prepare a nursery and space for the baby about to come into our lives. We have days of outstanding joy and also sadness as we comprehend what is happening.

With our previous adoption I sometimes felt guilty for taking away a baby from its mother, even though I knew that was what was best for the mother and the baby. If that young woman was to have any hope at a normal and healthy life, and give her baby a loving and secure home, she needed to follow through on the adoption. We know that even though she did not follow through with the adoption it doesn't mean she didn't love her baby. We know she loves her baby very much. But she made a very hard choice. Her family would not support her. She had not finished her basic nursing training and her plan to move back home to St. Louis and go to RN school, while working, was gone. She chose instead to leave the care of the agency and to move into a homeless shelter with her baby. She has no support, no family, no transportation, no education, and no money.

How much more do you have to love a baby to give it up when you can't take care of it or even take care of yourself? I can ask that question, because of Andy's adoption. When Andy's birth mother gave him up she did it because she loved him that much! She loved herself and her family and she knew it was the best decision to make. She gave him the best parents he could have ever had. She gave him the kind of life where he was always cared for, always warm, always loved and nurtured, always encouraged, always supported, educated, taught about life and led in his faith walk. And now we are blessed to have Andy's parents and Shirley in our life, in all of our lives.