At first I wasn't sure what to do with this email. Then I decided I needed to respond. I hope that what I said was helpful and not hurtful. She is a Christian young woman and we only wanted to encourage her the whole time we knew her. I hope that this experience will not be a stumbling block for her. Here is the email we sent:
Dear Birth Mother,
Thank you. Your consideration of us means a lot. We understand that either decision you made would be difficult. While we knew in our minds that anything could happen during that window between birth and 48 hours later, nothing prepared us for the loss we would feel. We aren’t mad, just very sad.
Thank you for offering to send pictures, but I don’t think we could do that right now. We know that the baby was never really ours to begin with, but we loved her very much and we loved you. We feel as if we lost a child that we had prayed for and loved for the weeks we knew you and even before. It’s hard to explain.
We really do wish you all the best in the world. We hope that you will be able to continue to strive for and reach your goals with your nursing. If there is any young woman who could make all of this work, it is you. You are very strong. You now have the highest job imaginable, being a mother to that beautiful baby. We know you will work as hard at that as you do everything in your life.
We will be back in the process of waiting for someone else to consider us as adoptive parents. We have learned a lot from this special time with you. I’m sure our hearts have grown through all of this. God has a plan—we know that and you know that, I’m sure.
You and the baby will remain in our hearts and prayers. May God bless you both all the days of your lives.
Andy & Bonnie Payne
